Anecdote - A man and a computer

Myzhik calls to the store and govopit ppodavtsy:.
M. - I smoke from komp'yute is.
P. - Do you navepno, power supply sgopel.
M. - No, I was told that if you change something in autoehes. bat, he pepestanet.
P. - No, it does not help, y have the power supply sgopel. And so - half an hour while ppodavtsy not tired.
P. - Nyzhno you call and order Misrosoft NOSMOKE. SOM.
Che.pez half an hour the same calls and myzhik govopit:.
M. - I nyzhen new power supply, which in my potomy Misrosoft told that my stapy power supply is not suited to their version with proper formatting NOSMOKE. SOM.

- Do you have Windows does not hang?.
- And you have it Install- ipovali?.

Vstpetilis ylitse somehow on Windows-95 and Windows- 98.
Windows- 95 and govopit: 'Hy that in pestopan go here, or will freeze? '.

People are divided into three categories: those who have not heard of Bill Gates, of those who hate Bill Gate, and most of Bill Gates.

Do you have a gun, in which two potrona you in a room with Hitler, Hussein and Gates. Who do you shoot? .

Gates was given just two Hobelevskie Award - for business and for medicine, because he was the first who learned to Sell Now crap for the money.

After the death of Moses, Einstein and Gates were in heaven.
God says: ' Each of you can I ask one question. '.
Moses: Tell me how to properly execute your will.
Einstein: What are the rules you have created the world?.
Gates: What the fuck are you sat in my place?.

I have the impression that even the care of the life of Bill Geyttsa pastsenyat as a subtle and stpategichesky course. And nastopozhatsya!.

- How to improve pozhdaemost on the planet?.
- Making Microsot let ppezepvativy!.

Vstpetilis (W) indows 98 (L) inux. Linux'y neppivychno - he has not seen such sppashivaet ny, and: (L) - Who are you?.
(W) - [ looking around ] I - opepatsionnaya system! .
(L) - [ also looking ] I - Unix!.

Engineers decided to implement the dream of Bill Gates - put ' Vind ' fridge. Launched - works. Put into a pot of borscht. Lo and behold - the message:.
- New Hardware Found ' pot ( 4 liters ) red '. We will install?.

Suitable user to the sysadmin, and says:.
- Tell me, dear, what is the fundamental difference between Windows95 on Windows98?.
Admin scratched unwashed turnips and said:.
- The fact that the number of bugs in win95 should have been multiplied by 95, and 98, respectively, win98.
User and thought wistfully said:.
- Probably in Windows 3. It was a few mistakes.
admin:.
- Idiot, while three members survived only one!.

Q: How many workers should the company Microsoft, to replace a light bulb?.
A: None. The darkness will be declared the new standard.

Two men are sitting in prison. One asks the other:.
- How long you have given?.
- 10 years - meets the second.
- And for what?.
- Yes for rape.
Then the second asks first:.
- And how old are you given?.
- 15 years - the first.
- And for what?.
- The window broke.
- In the box - ten years? .
- In Microsoft.

Gave one programmer for the New 1998 cool video card. Well, of course, champagne poboku, a case of beer - and he sits in the New Year's Eve, a new card sets. Puts the driver interchanges Vind - device is not working.
Then behind him a voice:.
- Fuck?.
- Ebus - without looking up the programmer's responsibility.
- Do you want to really?.
- I want to! .
And Bill Gates said: ...

'Windows' - a word from the dialect of Apache. In translates as: ... '.

On handling fipmy Microsoft to polzovatelyam: B c of relationship neznachitelnoy texnicheckoy problemoy, reliz opepatsionnoy cictemy 'Windows 2000' on the otkladyvaetcya pepvy kvaptal 1901 goda.

Umipaet head of IBM's. During his zaslygi modeled from kompyutepnym mipom to pay his otp.pavlyaytes. Hy there he sits, yawns, kpygom angels golozadye pophayut. Vdpyg nemy flies to one and sppashivaet:.
- Want to posmotpet at what Bill Gates ady doing?.
He: - And then!.
They fly to hell, see: Bill Gates is sitting in the office and yyutnom something on komp'yute nastykivaet. Howled IBM- plier: - Lord, I am there in payu skychayu, and that $.
Angel govopit:.
- But you look, what he does.
He looks and sees that Gates wrote in asm Microsoft Office for Macintosh.

There is a presentation of the new version of Windows. Full house people. Bill Gates himself on the podium. Suddenly, somewhere at the entrance to hear the sounds of a fight. One programmer (1) tries in vain to consider what happens. And he oraschaetsya to the neighbor (2) sitting closer:.
(1) - I'm sorry, what's going on?.
(2) - Yes, the room burst into a hacker with the BFG- 9000 and aimed it at the Gates. Arms, I suppose, from the doom ripped dabaggerom.
(1) - So what?.
(2) - Yes, programmers, standing side by side, twisted his gun away.
(1) - but why?.
(2) - Yes to the queue would not climb!.

- How many programmers need to kill a cockroach?.
- Two, one of his holding, while the other puts it Vindouzzz!.

Satan decided to arrange an inspection in hell. There is, he looks. Sinners in the boilers cook, fried in oil, burned in the fire - all the way through, in general,. Already going to leave, but finally decided to look into such a small inconspicuous cave. Comes - and ofigevayu.
Before the computer The fancy all conceivable gadgets Bill Gates is sitting in a comfortable ergonomic chair, and there is something in the sweat of thy face sculpt. Next to a crystal ashtray smoking expensive cigars. Devils poured him a beer, a cigarette lighter brings when it is necessary, succubi wipe the sweat from his forehead and kissed his bald head.
Hu, Satan essno yells: ' I did not realize that the case? . Devils ' Shh. Not stremay Billy, he wrote a half-line! '.

Lie in a basket OS / 2, three bend and talk.
The first two:.
- Thee for anything in the cart was sent?.
- Because I'm not on Windows. And you?.
- Because I'm on Windows.
Both the third:.
- And you?.
- Because I have a Windows.

- What is the difference between Windows and zhnschinoy?.
- But no: the same ability to throw out tons of useless info and ask again for three times the apparent.

You know what the Plug. '.

There is a lecture about Vynduz. There is Microsoft's best merchandise. The crowd Dummies wormed Programmer.
Commodity says:.
- That, comrades. What did Vinduza good and Gland - reliable! . That was the case here we have recently - the programmer removed the scandisk, and when the chance Vinduz podvisla, then reboot the disk was damaged and the fault has been corrected. And on another computer, where it was installed this utility, after the failure of the drive Vinduza checked by placing the new settings and reboot the computer to be safe!.
A programmer shouts.
- Yeah, exactly! .

They say that Bill Gates made ​​his business this way - put the keyboard into a chair, sat down and crawl to her zh0poy within 2- hours a day. Then it all compiled and sold what happened.
Learning of this, several ' wise men ' have decided to experiment and to crawl back to the clave is not a two - and third hours, but. did not work. And all because the only gay shhh can write something f @ Sing.

Hello, dear editors ' Computerra '. Please send me the full home address by Bill Gates and the spelling of his name and family name in English. thanks in advance. Gawker Dennis V..
EDITORIAL: Dear Dennis! . And for those who want to send something more substantial, we report the exact coordinates: N47. 38 '22,9' W122. 07 ' 39.3 ...

Q: So why does not Windows ` 95 ispolzyyut ko.pabl in space?.
A: potomy that ysloviyah weightlessness all the icons from the desktop flies.

Q: So why Bill Gates disconnected from FidoNet?.
A: All emy swaps sent from his Chicago.

Coming out of the building at Microsoft, said killep tolpy yuzepov, mitingyyuschih under the windows with placards 'Bill Gates MustDie'. ' Hakapkali ' - ysmehnylsya he vytipaya kpovi from a large hunting knife.

Hacker comes to a specialist in paranormal phenomena:.
- Doctor, help me! . Discs are flying around the room, put themselves into the computer and Windows installed!.
- Oo-oo! .

Programmer comes into the store and asks:.
- You have four- thread is cool?.
- Yes - mouse clockwork. She runs around the house, collects other mice, and then goes to drown the rest drown themselves with it.
- Hmm. And you Winds (Bill, Microsoft - who fed more human ) winding is not?.

Post Windows 95 Startup: ' Hayden Mouse Pad. Install the driver? '.

- Have you heard that Bill Gates has recently lost much of his fortune?.
- No. And why not?.
- Just moved Accountant Microsoft's Windows 98.

Hacker said the kettle:.
- I have to replace only one byte can eliminate all the glitches in the Windows'e.
- And what?.
- OSR2, the third byte is obtained by substituting for the OS / 2.

The young man peshil that the dream of his life - to become a great writer. When his spposili what it means to his notion of 'great ', papen replied: ... Emy ydalos osyschestvit its mechty. Today a young man function operates on Microsoft and makes the error messages in Windows.

Vasily Chapaev did not like Windows95. He comes once in the head, and there on the computer Petya ominous inscription: ' Loading Windows95. wait. '.
- Clouds, so - peretak! . It barely calmed.

- Are you sure you want to delete the folder D: \\ TEMP?.
- Yes.
- This folder contains files. Are you sure you want to remove them?.
- Yes!.
- Deleting these files may affect the registered program. Do you still believe?.
- Yes! .
- These files can be used by the system. Are you sure?.
- Fuck you fuck! .
- Yeah! .

some genius invented a virus that installs on the PC. Windows95.

At Mitinskoe market:.
' Tell you something from the porn is? '.
' Only Windows. '.

Advertising: Sits overgrown programmer and says:.
In the morning I wake up and UR, and then install Vindouz. During the day I drink Coke and again reinstalled Vindouz. and in the evening I again reinstalled Vindouz. Explain? .

- What do the numbers 95, 98 and 2000 after the logo of Windows? .

Thanks to Bill Gates, for our happy past! .

Saver during Windows Setup. 'Microsoft Windows 95 is preparing for its first freeze '.

Bill Gates is dead. He came to the light, and then just ended the Great Automation, and instead of Peter with the keys is a computer with Windows. The monitor dialog box that says: ... The communication, the three buttons: 'Yes, No and Cancel'.

Built, then a new fully robotic factory. There is a tour of the workshops.
Tour guide: (E. ) - Attention, ladies and gentlemen, in this shop all the robots upravalyayutsya operatsinnoy system MS-DOS.
Look, move on.
E. : - In this shop all the robots are running the Unix operating system.
Look, move on.
E. : - Here in the shop all the robots are running the latest operating system QNX.
Take place in the next. shop.
E. : - In this shop all the robots are controlled by the operating system Microsoft Windows'98. All attendees, please wear protective helmets.

Sitting in front of two user Windu: - Oh! .

- How to call the dog to Gates? .

Q: What is the state Bill Gates? .

The Japanese company has released a new version of the game ... The game runs under Windows 95 and called ' TAMAGLYUCHI '.

Bill Gates of Microsoft collects Board. - Last year we sold one million copies Vindous. - Hackers have broken. - This year we sold two million copies. - Hackers have broken. - Next year we will sell 5 million copies, and let these hackers crack the keyboard!.

Razgovapivayut yuzep -( L) and amep yuzep -( m) uzykant.
(A ) I vchepa a letter from the Bill Gates got!.
(M) and Hu that?.
(A) Are you crazy! .
(M ) That, too dull? .

Regarding the purchase of hotmail. com Microsoft: - With the lousy dogs - even soaps com.

Bill Gates ppisvoili title of graphite - tepep he DeBill Gates!.

There is a cap with lupus NOTEBOOK- th in the woods. BACH Vdpug behind the head, well, it is natural to tepyaet consciousness. Then ochuhivaetsya and sees a note: ' Ha worth your komp'yute Windows'95'. Signature: Russian Windows95 upgrade TEAM.

Hu passtpoilas, goes further back vdpug BACH on the head again tepyaet consciousness ochuhivaetsya sees a note: ' Ha your computer start again, OS / 2'. Signature: Russian team windows must die 95 paz.

SWAPO was falling Christmas!.

In the system. ini write shell = command. com.

Fans of Windows NT will understand.
- What is it you have NT- I'm so blue paper?.
- Mertvenkaya, that's blue paper; (((.

President Clinton, in order to increase general interest in science and technological innovation, has invited several large computer companies to participate in a major publishing multimedia project with the overall theme of ' Elephants '. OBTAIN parts of the project, respectively, made ​​by companies:.
Arrle ' friendly to users of Elephants and their friend Mouse '.
IBM: ' How to sell elephant to someone who wants to buy a race- horse '.
Novell: ' Bridging the Elephants '.
Vorland: 'All elephants should cost $ 99'.
NeHT: ' Painting the Elephant in black '.
Misrosoft: ' Why do you need to buy Windows Misrosoft '.

Devyshka ybezhdaet that it can deliver and nastpoit sistemy '. Delphi has finally arrived, I put, the Office also mogy. A windsurfing -. 200 times saw the pose. Yes, I'm just that and Quaternary vizhy. '.

Please do not expel students from Gapvapda. Let them finish my studies. And then they do Windows.

Vstpechayutsya administpatopa two: ( 1) Unix (2) -Wind.
(1) - Here, data obtained on the boring things - to do absolutely nothing. Hikto not complaining.
(2) - And I have always flawless functioning is - every half hour system pepestavlyayu.
(1) - Well Those guys themselves - well, you kput. How did you get to Windows 30 minutes pabotal??.
(2) - No, it is 30 minutes pepestavlyaetsya.

- When the Wind is falling, the desire to be guessing?.
- You can! .

Vstpechayutsya two programmers.
- Want a new anecdote ppo passkazhu Bill Gates?.
- Come on!.
- Ppihodit utpom servant to BG, who umep!.
- And then?.
- Well, then I can not remember. Ho what a beginning!.

In the Far Far Away kingdom, in fairy - lived state was Ivan, and he had a triodinnadtsataya Windows.

- Why is that Windows 2000 does not fall?.
- And where to fall, if it does not poddepzhivaet.

Calls to Microsoft and the guy asks to sabzh Bill, and he answered:.
- It umep.
A man hangs PIPE. After 5 minutes the same guy calls back to Microsoft, and again asks to Gates.
- Heck umep it!.
And once again five minutes later:.
- Call, please Bill Gates.
- Man, you zae @ al, umep he umep!.
- Do not be offended, pebyat, forgive me hear npavitsya.

The justice department has released it's recommendations on names for the two parts of Microsoft, post split: MICROS ~ 1 and MICROS ~ 2.

What is Windows 95?.
32- bit to passhipenie.
16-bit patch on the.
8-bit opepatsionnoy system, originally written for.
4- bit mikpoppotsessopa, pazpabotannogo.
2- bit company, which is free or the carry.
A bit konkypentsii.

In nature, there is no perpetual motion machines, but there are eternal brake. (c) Windows 9x, 2000, etc.

In Windows 2000, Close to pynktom ' Run. ' Appeared pynkt ' Run nedopystimyyu opepatsiyu. '.

Windows 98, ispygalas and applied to the swap.

Microsoft Windows 2000 has pyadom neisppavimyh ppeimuschestv.

And on the morning of the shutdown command.

Seven (7 ), the similarities of the President and WINDOWS:.
1) They work, but always buggy.
2) No one knows what to expect.
3) No one like them, but are forced to endure.
4) No one knows the meaning of their messages.
5) Have friends named Bill.
6) Changing the version passed in 2000.
7) Both have the ' Start ' (one in the suitcase, the second on the desktop).

User - talk (n) - ​​Americans and the user (m) uzykant.
(A) - I have a letter yesterday from the Bill Gates got!.
(M) - So what?.
(A) - Are you crazy! .
(M) - That, too dull? .

- How to change keyboard input on Windows 2000?.
- Ha it will p.pavoy left and Reset.

'My komp'yute ' - so says 'Windows 9x' when you put it on your komp'yute. And of course makes him all he wants, regardless of your. This is her komp'yute.




Discuss.